How to Build Deeper Intimacy

Deeper Intimacy - Do you want that? Are you longing for that? Are you tired of disconnection?

Let's continue our journey of learning, practicing and exploring different skills to bring deeper intimacy into our relationship with ourselves and our loved ones. Today, I will share another way to build deeper intimacy that most people are not aware of, which is using your Four Non-Traditional Exteroceptive Senses.

Use and explore your Four Non-Traditional Exteroceptive Senses to build deeper intimacy:

1. Pain – I know most people don’t associate pain with intimacy but my personal and professional experience has shown me that pain and intimacy are connected. Intimacy is usually deepened due to the journey of noticing, experiencing, acknowledging, accepting and working with pain. Pay attention to if any pain show up when you are with your partner? Where do you feel the pain? What’s the pain like? Is it bittersweet? sad? anger? Does it cause you to stop breathing? Is the pain from the past or present? Has it always been there? How have you been addressing the pain? Do you like that pain? Pain can be a great sexual enhancer for some people too but we won’t know if we don’t pay attention to them and explore them. Use your pain to detect unpleasant or pleasant stimuli to get to know yourself and your partner better.
2. Balance – How balance do you feel in you and on your feet when you are with your partner and/or by yourself? How did that feel to you? What did that do to your sense of self? Does that impact your ability to stay present with your loved one? We want all part of ourselves to be balance so we can stay present. If they are not all balance, that’s ok too because that’s a new information you have discovered about yourself and now share them with your partner. Bring in some curiosity about what has kept you balance and what has set you off balance.
3. Position & Movement – We want to pay attention to our body position and movement too. Be mindful of how you position yourself when you are with your partner. Are you leaning against them? Are you collapsing comfortably and still have a sense of grounding in yourself? How do you move when your partner is around – stiff, flowing, energetically, hopping, guarded, etc.? Notice if you are comfortable in your own position and movement or do you have to position and move in certain way that’s not you?
4. Temperature – Our body temperature can tell us a lot about what we like and what we don’t like, which determine how present we can be with our partner too. Research has shown that women’s facial temperatures increased more during interactions with a male compared to a female. Touch on intimate locations like face and chest increase body temperature more than on the arms and palms. Is that true for you too? Or do you have other places? Pay attention to your own body temperature – is it colder or hotter than usual? What has caused the temperature to go up or down – stress, unpleasant stimuli, thoughts, images, etc.? What kind of touch from your partner or yourself cause your body temperature to go up or to go down?

Practice the above skills either by yourself and/or with a partner. Share them with your partner, your friend, your family and/or anyone with whom you feel comfortable. I will share more tips with you on my future blogs.

You can also visit my other blogs, Intimacy In A Relationship, or Romance & Intimacy, to get more ideas.

I welcome feedback and questions. Denver Individual Counseling and Couples Counseling Can Help you get deeper intimacy.

Please share to help more people have connected relationships and satisfying sex lives.