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How Babies Affect a Relationship

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When couples consider expanding their families, what they are really considering is how their relationship and their individual lives may change as a result of bringing a new child into the world. Sometimes that looks like warm hugs over a bundle of joy, sometimes it looks like arguing quietly in the kitchen about whose turn it is to do the dishes. While there is no one-size-fits-all approach to sustaining a healthy relationship during pregnancy and those first chaotic years of parenthood, it’s important to go in with a realistic idea of how life is about to change and what you can do to help restore balance to your relationship.

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Making Time…

  • For Yourself: When a baby comes into the picture, it can be hard to think of anything but your partner and your child. But don’t forget that you deserve a little sanity too. While non-pregnant partners may feel an obligation to do everything for their pregnant partner, either partner neglecting their own needs is a sure way for resentment, anger, and communication breakdown to take hold. Instead, everyone involved should work to take ownership of their needs and work independently to seek the self care necessary to keep their headspace clean. Talk to your partner about taking turns treating yourselves to some self-care, even if it’s as simple as taking a walk, listening to music with a cup of tea, or grabbing a drink with a friend.

  • For Your Partner: When responsibilities and fatigue double, it may feel like a good time to divide and conquer. Babies require constant attention, and when a parent isn’t actively taking care of their child, they are likely taking care of everything else that life has to throw at them, whether that includes grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, or working. So, where does that leave time for you and your partner to nurture your relationship? Try scheduling a date night once per week that allows you and your partner to relax, share touch, and communicate about something other than your new baby. This might be tricky at first, especially if child care is hard to come by, but even if you simply sit together after your child has gone to sleep, your goal should be to spend intentional time focused on your partner, communicating about your feelings, needs, and desires.

Learning to Share The Load

When a couple has a child, life becomes a balancing act, and being able to effectively share the physical, mental, and emotional load are key to keeping those plates spinning. You can share the physical load by building a routine around your chores, even if it requires that one partner temporarily shoulder a heavier burden at first. Finding balance with the mental and emotional load is a bit trickier, requiring that each partner effectively communicates their stressors. The hope is that by communicating how we are feeling, we can better give and receive the support necessary to keep our heads on our shoulders and clear of anxiety, depression, and negativity.


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