Life is so complex; it’s amazing our brains have the ability to collect, store and analyze information in the ways they do, let alone processing the endless possible perspectives that exist in the world. When we think about the reality of a situation, especially those affecting our relationships, it’s vitally important to remember that our understanding and experience is unique to us. 

Even our partners, who share our homes and most meals, live a different life than we do. This is why we sometimes butt heads with our spouses, because we find it incredible that someone living so close to us could possibly see a problem or situation from a different perspective than our own. But we don’t have to see things from the same perspective as our partners. We simply have to work to validate each other’s feelings and experiences, and hold space for the fact that we may be experiencing things differently than our partner. When we extend this grace to our partner, not only does it lend itself to reciprocal grace in return, but it also helps us better understand the impacts of our own actions as well as our partner’s needs as an individual.

What is Validation

Looking at the root of the word, it’s easy to tell that the concept of validation is centered around someone’s ideas being “valid.” Well, what does that mean? Something is considered valid when we collectively agree that it is okay, acceptable, or reasonable in a specific context. In the case of validation in a relationship, the concept is the same. Validation is the acknowledgement that our partner is feeling a specific way and that they are allowed to feel that way no matter what we may think. We don’t always share our partner’s perspective, but our partner’s perspective and feelings are always valid. 

When Emotions Run High

The need for validation comes up most prevalently when tensions are high, and it sometimes takes stepping away from a heated discussion in order to come back together to find more productive solutions. Validation is the first step in finding harmony and supporting your partner’s mental health when they need it most. We often poke at each other's sore spots when we fight, but validation is a practice in acknowledging that our partner may be wounded and their perspective is influenced by those experiences that are not our own. Remember that our loved ones have their own hidden stresses, fears, insecurities, and trauma. Validation is a practice in patience and can go a long way in fostering trust and productive problem solving in a relationship.

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